I have been privy to the wonders of outhouse technology lately. I feel after encountering numerous outhouses at baseball tournaments, the Creation Festival, and this gem of an outhouse at the track I jog at, I am now a CEO ( Confirmed Expert on Outhouses). I remember back in the day when outhouses consisted of a big black hole and something that looked similar to a toilet seat on top of the black hole. And as you emerged from the outhouse you felt the sudden urge to throw up.
But for you who are not CEO’s, let me update you on the latest and greatest outhouse technology. First, they have cute names, here are two I have encountered, “Pot of Gold”, and “Santi Shanty.” Also some have hand gel dispensers, a little mirror on the door ( so you can see how hot and sweaty you look while squatting over the hole filled with blue goo), and a small shelf to put cell phones, water bottles and other items that you dare to actually take into a port-a-potty. Also some, actually have these nice air fresheners inside of them, I know the infamous “Pot-of-Gold actually smelled pretty good.
So I would like to take this moment to thank all those experts in the area of outhouse technology for all their hard work. I would like to encourage you to keep working on making outhouses a better place. Just a few suggestions for your port-a-pot tehcies,
#1 Pump air conditioning into your little Santi-Shanty
#2 Make sure the cute hand gel thing is always full.
#3 Have an endless supply of TP so I don’t have use some tissue found on the bottom of my purse.
#4 Fill it with more blue goo and make it much darker so you don’t have to see what everyone else has left behind.
#5 Some music, free ice water and a candy machine would also be nice touches.
#6 Do away with the blue color, how about pink? Then the men will never use it, they can pee in the woods, and women can have their own outhouses!
Also for all you outhouse guru’s who are reading this I am wondering what ever happened to the cell phone, and nice sunglasses I saw in the blue goo? Do you keep those things?????
Well congratulations if you made it this far in this post, now go grab some hand gel or wash your hands really well you will feel much better.