How do you do it?

People frequently ask me how I stay so strong and positive?  How do I deal with all the crazy emotions of watching my sweet husband slip into the deep, deep black hole of Younger Onset Alzheimer’s Disease? How do I get it ALL done?  I often jokingly say, “lots of coffee!”

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But in reality…….I don’t always stay so positive and strong, I hate the emotions of watching Curt fall prey to the grips of a demoralizing disease, and I forget things all the time and simply don’t get it all done. I hate the chaos of a life filled with trials, unexpected calamities, and hardships of taking care of everything.

I guess people think I get it all done since I show up to school each day with matching clothes and a smile on my face.  And to me that alone is an accomplishment!

And maybe just showing up with a smile is half the battle……ok matching, clean clothes is a battle too.  But when you are walking a tough path, you learn to celebrate the little things….like matching socks and clean clothes that were actually on a hanger and not at the bottom of the laundry basket! 🙂

Yes you celebrate the little things, the 10 minutes of a quiet walk on a still night with the dog, a few moments with a hot cup of coffee sitting by the Christmas tree in the morning before the family wakes up.  Those little moments you cling to them, they sustain you. 

I no longer think about the things I wish we could do and go to.  Or get consumed with the thought process of “if Curt didn’t have Alzheimer’s we could………..” Or even the pangs of yearning for a normal life, that is simply futile and gets me NO WHERE….except depressed! 

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So I cherish those moments, those little things, and it’s in those moments I find that Peace that does surpass all understanding in this storm of life. 

Yes those little joys that we often miss in a busy life, those moments…….Yes those precious moments I cling to them, embrace them and welcome them!!! 

The other day with all the snow on the ground, Tyler noticed the footprints in the snow indicating  someone had walked around back in our woods.  He said to me with a smile, “Mom I know those tracks in the woods are from you, you probably walked back there and took some pictures of the pretty snow!” 

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Yes he was right I did!  That was ONE of those precious moments, walking in the peaceful woods as the snow seemed to embrace each tree with such beauty. 

Oh, don’t we all need those moments!

Yes it’s Christmas, a chaotic time of year, the struggle to get it all done.

But I am learning more and more, the perfectly wrapped presents, the perfected Christmas morning cinnamon rolls, the yummy Christmas feast, the cute Christmas outfits are not what it is all about.  Sure, they are fun traditions and truly bring a family together. 

But deep down what I have learned is the importance of those moments, a pause in the chaos to reflect upon a simple truth of a Savior born to redeem a sinful world. 

Yes it’s in those moments of reflection, that is where I find my true strength!

Light and life to ALL He brings
Ris’n with healing in His wings
Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
“Glory to the newborn King!

Yes Glory to the Newborn King! 

Enjoy a few moments of reflecting upon the Glory of the Newborn King this Christmas, trust me when I say, that is where your strength for each day comes from!

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Merry Christmas friends!

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Alzheimer’s and Thanksgiving

It has been a long time since I have updated my blog…….life got a little busier than I anticipated.  Honestly, I really thought once Tyler left for college things would get a bit easier.  Maybe it was wishful thinking, but I am quickly finding out it’s not reality. I am realizing it’s harder for me to leave home, I always had Tyler OR Madi who could stay with Curt and it made it pretty easy to leave. Now with just Madi,  and with Curt’s skills diminishing I am reluctant to leave him as much.  I miss having another driver around the house, I am back driving Madi everywhere and have no one to run a few errands for me. There are several other factors lending itself to my continual feeling of being overwhelmed….but yes, not something I want to talk about on a public blog.

But I have digressed……..the title of this post is Alzheimer’s and THANKSGIVING.  And despite all that Curt continues to loose in terms of skills and a digression in activities of daily living, I have found that three things still remain.

C at Liberty baseball

Curt continues to have a passion and a love for the things of Christ.  Christian/Worship music continues to bring tears to his eyes every time he hears it.  We can be driving somewhere and I will be playing a song (Like Chris Tomlin’s “I Will Rise” Jeremy Camp “Overcome” or “Where I Belong” Building 429) and I look back and the man has tears streaming down his cheeks every time.  He loves going to church on Sunday and enjoys having the bible being read to him.  The word of God still speaks with an undying force to his heart and soul.

football game

A love of Music is another thing that still remains.  As most of you know Curt was an awesome and talented drummer, he really can no longer play drums.  However, his passion for music pops up everywhere!  It is the funniest thing, we can be at a store shopping and there will be music playing in the background and he will start humming along and asking me if I know what song it is?  I think to myself every time….. do I know what song it is?????  What song are you even talking about Curt I can barely even hear it!  But he hears it every time and is banging out the beat on his legs and humming along.  He is so tuned into music. He can be watching a football game and gasp, sometimes is enjoying the music in the background more than the game!  We were watching an old Journey DVD the other night and he was banging out the beat on his legs NON STOP!!  Yes music is still alive and well his Curt’s mind!

C at Liberty game

An enduring sense of humor!  Every morning when I get him up and ready before I leave for school, I say, “time to get up…rise and shine!”   He the proceeds to give me this devilish laugh and says “NO!” and then laughs again.  He loves to watch old movies, just the other day he was laughing to the depths of what seemed to be his inner soul during “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”  He would go around the house for days afterwards, going, “Bueller, Bueller, Bueller…anybody”  When humor is inserted into a sermon at church, he picks up on it right away and often leans over to me and says, “that’s hilarious!”  He loves to have a good laugh.  This current ad from K-mart had him practically rolling on the floor recently!  If you knew Curt, you would  know he always had a playful and fun sense of humor, it’s nice to see a part of that still remains.

Liberty family pic

A passion for Jesus, and a passion for music were two things Curt always felt so strong about…..As this horrid disease continues to steal so much of Curt, it’s endearing to see that it can’t steal his love for the Lord and his passion for music!

So on this Thanksgiving weekend, we are thankful for the glimpses we continue to see of the old Curt.  Yes some things are lasting, despite a horrible disease that can take so much…..3 things remain!  And today we celebrate those things!

*Update, I had written this post a few days ago, but didn’t get it finished until today.  In the mean time….Madi passed her driver’s test yesterday!!  Woooohooo….celebrating that milestone with her.  Yes this mom can still teach her teens to parallel park! 🙂

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