$5.29 Please

I ordered the same peanut butter cup ice cream treat I have been getting  Curt for the past year, but this time was different.

‘That will be $5.29,” the man at the drive-thru told me.

He had quoted the price to me numerous times since Curt entered the memory care facility last July.

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But today for the FIRST time I realized this “Avalanche” that I have been buying at least once a week for Curt cost $5.29!!  $5.29…who knew?

I know you are probably confused at this point……how did I not realize the cost of that “Avalanche.”

 

It’s simple folks……… through the chaos & busyness, I was hearing the man but not really hearing him for over a year now.

But as summer lingers on and my life FINALLY slows down a bit, I finally heard the man.

You see,  I would usually roll into the ice cream place, cruise up to the drive-thru, announce to the man,

“One large peanut butter cup Avalanche, with a lid on it, in a bag….please”

He would say some price, I would get my ice cream and be on my way………….crossing another task off my lengthy mental to do list as I pulled out of the drive thru. 

Getting that ice cream became another task on the ever growing list, another task, a task I needed to do, and it was now DONE.  The details eluded me, but who cares because the task is DONE!!  There are now 10 other new tasks to move on to!

It seems like for the last 4-5 years that is basically how I have been living.   Some weeks were more crazy than others.  Summer provided some relief, but I was also driving the kids all over the east coast for baseball or lacrosse and then driving to college visits.

This is my first summer in five years where I am home!

I have some free time!

I can relax some!

 

But here is the problem, I honestly don’t know how to relax……….

I know, you are like really Sandy?

You just chill, relax….how hard is that?!?!? Hello?!

Harder than you think, I have been task driven for so long, it’s kind of weird to have a smaller list with time to accomplish the things on it.  Also time to think about ONE thing at a time and not FIVE at a time. 

My brain has such trouble focusing, I am so used to moving from one thing to another constantly!  I have actually tried to start a book and get about 2 pages in, and my programmed brain tries to move me onto the next task on my list.

But alas I believe I am heading in the right direction, thus my new awareness of the price of an Avalanche!

And thus my start of another new normal……….

 

I know it’s been long since I last updated my blog, honestly I just could not manage another “thing” on the endless “to do” list.

But finally on this second week of July I find I have some time and even renewed energy to produce some kind of blog entry!

Life has been has been a roller coaster ride for sure.

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This past spring Madi graduated, which was a huge milestone.  She had quite a journey with high school, as Curt was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s when she was in 8th grade.  Her high school days were different from some with having her dad plodding along through the stages of Alzheimer’s, but we also worked hard to keep things real normal for her.  She was involved in a ton of clubs, loved playing lacrosse, kept those grades up (4.0!) and discovered a passion for ceramics along the way.

IMG_2021Just need to add that this cool pottery creation is an actual working fountain.

Pretty darn proud of all her accomplishments through high school.

So proud to see her walk across the stage to receive her diploma in June.

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Oh such a journey………

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As for Curt, he continues to slowly slip into that depths of the black hole of Alzheimer’s.  I now  find myself only understanding about 20% of what he says.  He is also much more tired during the day and has fallen several times as of late.  It is such a brutal disease to watch someone slip into.  I think so many times of how mortified Curt would be to see himself at this stage of the disease.  He has lost weight and is moving so slow, he struggles to even lift his head certain days to look me in the eye…..a far cry from my athletic, agile and witty husband.

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Yet through it all……it is well.  I think the lyrics to this song on constant play on my iPhone seems express how I feel about the last 5 years.

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
It is well with me

Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can’t see

And this mountain that’s in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

So let go my soul and trust in Him

(It is Well/Bethel Music/Kristene DiMarco)

 

Yes folks, it is hard, I am not gonna lie and say this has been easy by any means.  Its NOT!  Yet………I truly can say It is Well, there is a certain contentment found when relying on the Lord and trusting Him for the future that allows me to say……It is Well. ❤

Hoping to blog more,

Sandy